I no longer sleep. I check to see if he is alive every hour.
I have an overwhelming need to take him everywhere. I’m tired, hungry and sweaty/shaky. Its 5am and I can’t sleep since I wake up to every cute noise he makes. Sometimes wondering if I should wake him to feed him. Try, fail. Let him sleep longer and hopes that he will be hungry in an hour. I weigh 145. A 15lb loss and I look weird but I’m not that worried. I’m more worried about getting strength back and if I will ever feel normal. I’ve has bouts of so much love, and then, No emotion. Mostly from exhaustion. I am overwhelmed by everything and yet still feel like I should feel more. I just don’t feel anything.
I should sleep finally. Maybe cuddle the man next to me for the first time in months. Since God knows I miss and need him most. He made me a mom. And loves the jelly belly, but not so muscular anymore, sweaty and crazy girl next to him.
