Tag: fighter mom

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Oh hey. I have a fight.

Technically it is a Muay Thai tournament. And I have ALWAYS wanted to do one. But there is nothing like this up north. So guess we just have to travel to Orlando.

In 3 days 🙂

It has been 3 years since I have done any competition and it feels like no time has passed. I always have trained hard, even through the pandemic. But my style has shifted so much in the years following my son. Ground work throws my back out, so I gravitate to stand up. Especially after losing my only thai fight before. I finally spent time learning the rules and the differences between kickboxing and Muay Thai; I really feel good. I will always be a more kickboxing style fighter (sorry not sorry), but I can see where I need to improve for specifically Muay Thai. Clinch needs to be tighter, my showman ship needs to change; take forward steps, not bounce around etc.
*and please do not try and double leg her *

But I feel good. I am so ready to get back in.

Mentally I still feel fucked, but I just love fighting and feel ready for that again. The past 2 years have really been a trying time. Between all of my grandparents dying. One of my close friends and my brother’s father dying. Changing gyms, and then that gym shut down for Covid. Some violent traumatic events occurring for several months. Moving out of our place without a new one lined up(it worked out amazingly actually) and now drama at our home gym causing us to leave days before my fight. We can call it a really bad line up of events.

But I am still so excited to fight. Let’s just pray my toddler doesn’t act like an idiot while we are there. Or run away. Cause we have no sitter for this fight lol.

Thank you to anyone that read this far. And also thank you to all of my amazing sponsors.

Santiago’s in Hampton NH
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Chucky’s fight
Theme It Out events
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8 months and it’s a whole new world

8 months post partum here
I have been having a wonderful time being a mom until now. I was starting to make weight lifting progress, mma progress with a fight in sight for winter… Then I break my thumb. And then the kicker that I didn’t see coming. I hit some post partum depression. Finally. See I was waiting for it to happen. I struggled most of my life with depression, and I was waiting for it to happen. I guess it was delayed until now, which makes sense hormone wise (I am stopping breast feeding) it only makes sense my hormones are all messed up.
But I am just sad. Sad that I am not fighting. Sad I am not strong as I once was. Sad I can’t make it through more than 30 mins of a training session without the babe crying or needing something. Jealous that I cant do the things I love while I watch others progress. Jealous that I cant bring my amazing cat bagheera everywhere,like we used to, but we see everyone else getting to bring their pets with them.  Anxious about every little horrible thing that could go wrong in my child’s life. (No seriously my brain is like the movie Final Destination and the show 1000 ways to Die) I feel like everyone thinks I am a bad fighter. Or a bad mom. Or a bad athlete. Or a bad business owner. I just want to be the bad ass person I used to love. With athletic goals, and career goals. I am just a shell. I wish I didn’t feel this way…
Although, I am grateful to have my amazing son. He truly is the best. And it kills me to be so upset. Forever mom guilt.
At around 6 months postpartum I started to feel off. At the time I didn’t quite understand what it was, but then is made sense.  Anxiety. The kind where you don’t sleep for days, you don’t want to eat any more you worry about every single little thing on the planet. Things that never really made sense you’re not even sure why they matter for some reason they do. Then it was the Jealousy. Not typical jealousy, no. Jealous of RANDOM dumb shit. Jealous my cats are happier than me. Jealous Of people bike riding in peace. Yet I HATE bike riding. Eff that. But still jealous. I am still kind of spiraling here. Trying to bring back my former self one day at a time. Kids man..