Tag: fightermom

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Oh snap, Klaus is 5 months

Little man is five and a half months and I am coming back hard at the gym.
Working with actual nutrition plans and strength plans and fight training plans. It’s nice to transition back into how things were, but it’s still very frustrating. I find that now that I’m doing a lot of lifting and strength training and going back into my harder powerlifting routine I feel very self-conscious. I used to walk into the weight room and feel on top of the world because I knew that I’d be deadlifting 270 that day and no other girl did that and I felt like a crazy badass cause then I go straight to my fighting gym after that and choke people out. Nowadays it’s hard for me to lift over 170 and I’m flailing around on the mats trying to figure out what my body is supposed to do. Pregnancy really changed a lot of things that I didn’t think it would, and it seems to be very frustrating. I walk into the gym and I have this constant feeling that everyone’s watching me and they’re all judging me, talking among themselves about how weak I got how bad of a fighter I got, how shitty I am. And it’s silly. That is all I think about every time I go to the gym, and I still think that I’m lesser than I was previously. And I know that I’m weaker, and slower, and a lot of my skills I’ve gotten Rusty. But I know with time and continuing on this plan of action I’m on, that all of my skills will come back. This may be frustrating now, but it will come back. Everyday I still hear those voices saying: “how weak you are, you suck, you’re slow, why can’t you get this, why can’t you figure this drill out”. But I know at the end of the day, each day is one step to get better and back to the old strong fighter I was. It is still exceptionally frustrating. At least it’s not my first time being at the bottom so I know that I can get there, and I know that I can exceed how I used to be, I can be in a lighter weight class, with more muscle and strength. I built an amazing foundation. It may have been torn down, but I can rebuild even stronger. I know how to gain muscle. I don’t have to learn everything like I did before. I have been fighting for most of my life. I just need to dust myself off.
Now it is just about gaining strength and sharpening my skills and mind.
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MMA mama 14 Weeks Pregnant

I have never thought about what pregnancy would be like. Until the last few years I never thought I would even have kids…
But here I am, 14 weeks pregnant.
Previously I had been so in touch with my body. From being an athlete for so long I can feel when things are running smoothly, or if I need more fuel, vitamins, water etc. If I am hitting goals or over training. I could feel what small differences made in my diet and training. Everything seemed to be in sync.
My body feels alien now. I went from lean abs and muscular arms, to a bloated tummy and fat accumulating everywhere. I can’t deadlift 270lbs, nor can I deadlift 160lbs for that matter. My squat is at 150 on a non vomiting day. And my clean and jerks are now done with just the bar. My one saving grace is that I know I can bounce back. In time…lots of time.
With this constant negativity there is some positive. I’m growing with a insatiable burn to compete. It kills me to watch the dieting girls going on stage. Or the other strawweight fighters getting in the cage and gaining more experience than I. But that doesn’t matter. My drive is doubling everyday and I am utilizing my off time. I’m doing my best to maintain muscle and I am still in every boxing, Thai, grappling class I can. It’s much slower and safer, but damned if I stop doing what I love.
At 14 weeks my belly is now to the point were nothing fits exactly right. Which is neat since I am a small person, and I know a human is growing, and frustrating. I need new clothes often and that only will get worse when I go into maternity. But I have come to enjoy the weight gain and growing belly. Even on days when nothing fits me and I look like a disheveled homeless person.
I can’t say I don’t “idolize” the fit preggo people posting about abs at 6 months. But hey I’m built differently than them. And I’m *teeth cringing* okay with it.
And in case anyone is wondering I am eating at maintenance still. Tracking  macros and still have a food diary. It is a little off some days, but hey whatevs.
I had days when I ate 2000 calories and days when I could only handle 500. Pregnancy was not awesome the first 10 weeks for me….