Oh hey. I have a fight.

Technically it is a Muay Thai tournament. And I have ALWAYS wanted to do one. But there is nothing like this up north. So guess we just have to travel to Orlando.

In 3 days 🙂

It has been 3 years since I have done any competition and it feels like no time has passed. I always have trained hard, even through the pandemic. But my style has shifted so much in the years following my son. Ground work throws my back out, so I gravitate to stand up. Especially after losing my only thai fight before. I finally spent time learning the rules and the differences between kickboxing and Muay Thai; I really feel good. I will always be a more kickboxing style fighter (sorry not sorry), but I can see where I need to improve for specifically Muay Thai. Clinch needs to be tighter, my showman ship needs to change; take forward steps, not bounce around etc.
*and please do not try and double leg her *

But I feel good. I am so ready to get back in.

Mentally I still feel fucked, but I just love fighting and feel ready for that again. The past 2 years have really been a trying time. Between all of my grandparents dying. One of my close friends and my brother’s father dying. Changing gyms, and then that gym shut down for Covid. Some violent traumatic events occurring for several months. Moving out of our place without a new one lined up(it worked out amazingly actually) and now drama at our home gym causing us to leave days before my fight. We can call it a really bad line up of events.

But I am still so excited to fight. Let’s just pray my toddler doesn’t act like an idiot while we are there. Or run away. Cause we have no sitter for this fight lol.

Thank you to anyone that read this far. And also thank you to all of my amazing sponsors.

Santiago’s in Hampton NH
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Chucky’s fight
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DIY Heavy Bag

April 11 2020… what the hell man.

So by now you all have been stuck without a gym or training partners and probably finding all of the craziest ways to turn your furniture into gym equipment (or bjj buddies).

I’m adding to your DIY quarantine list… DIY Heavy Bag!

So I got some of this idea from my fiance, who did this previously in the army.

Supplies:
A canvas duffel bag. (I used my fiance’s old army bag)
5 rolls or more of duck tape
Heavy duty rope to support the bag weight.
A screw hook to hang the bag. That is heavy duty to hold the bag weight.
Sawdust, cat litter, sand, anything to fill the bag depending on how heavy you want it. (My fiance said he used old scrap clothes in his bag).

I was lucky to have all of these supplies at my house. I didn’t need to purchase anything. I would consider your budget before making a diy one like this. Because if you end up buying all of the supplies new, you might as well just buy a heavy bag.

Step 1:

Grab  your duffel bag and check to make sure all seams are properly stitched and strong. You may need to flip you bag inside out to stitch any parts. Take off any extra buckles or metal parts or straps. If your bag does not tie on the end like a military sea bag, you will need to keep some buckles and straps to use to hold your bag up.

Step 2:

Fill you bag up! I used sawdust from fresh cut trees by my house. It is light enough to not kill you when you carry and hang it, but dense enough to stay put when you punch. 
If you use sand just make sure you can carry the bag and place it on your hook. It will be super heavy FYI. Cat litter can work, or even old clothes like Keegan did.

Step 3:

Once you fill your bag tie it up tight, reinforce if need be. Then attach the rope needed to hang it. If you do not have a top tying bag (like a typical military seabag/duffel bag) You will need to fasten your rope to the bag. Depending on what style bag you have, you could wrap rope through buckles, and tie it around the middle/top before hanging. You will just need to use extra duck tape to cover buckles and rope. I would also suggest sewing them in to reinforce. My bag already had a decent amount of thick rope at the top (they are drawstrings). So I did not need extra rope for this.

Step 4:

Once you have a filled bag, with rope attached to the top, and it is secure. No you can cover it in duck tape. Mine took about 5 rolls of tape. I used all of the fun patterns that I had hanging around the house that I never had the use for. Finally those weird tape rolls got used!

Make sure you really cover all of it 🙂

Step 5:

Now with your bag all set, time to put that hook in the wall. I had a hammock hook that was outside already. So make sure when you find a place, you are using a very sturdy beam in your house/ basement/ porch etc. Screw it in and make sure it is sturdy!

Step 6:

Time to hang your bag! You might need a hand with this depending on how big the bag is. Once you hang it up, it is good to go! TIP: You may need to add some extra ducktape once you hang it up.

You can find these bad ass leggings HERE

Next up is a longer DIY kicking heavy bag from old truck tires! 😉

8 months and it’s a whole new world

8 months post partum here
I have been having a wonderful time being a mom until now. I was starting to make weight lifting progress, mma progress with a fight in sight for winter… Then I break my thumb. And then the kicker that I didn’t see coming. I hit some post partum depression. Finally. See I was waiting for it to happen. I struggled most of my life with depression, and I was waiting for it to happen. I guess it was delayed until now, which makes sense hormone wise (I am stopping breast feeding) it only makes sense my hormones are all messed up.
But I am just sad. Sad that I am not fighting. Sad I am not strong as I once was. Sad I can’t make it through more than 30 mins of a training session without the babe crying or needing something. Jealous that I cant do the things I love while I watch others progress. Jealous that I cant bring my amazing cat bagheera everywhere,like we used to, but we see everyone else getting to bring their pets with them.  Anxious about every little horrible thing that could go wrong in my child’s life. (No seriously my brain is like the movie Final Destination and the show 1000 ways to Die) I feel like everyone thinks I am a bad fighter. Or a bad mom. Or a bad athlete. Or a bad business owner. I just want to be the bad ass person I used to love. With athletic goals, and career goals. I am just a shell. I wish I didn’t feel this way…
Although, I am grateful to have my amazing son. He truly is the best. And it kills me to be so upset. Forever mom guilt.
At around 6 months postpartum I started to feel off. At the time I didn’t quite understand what it was, but then is made sense.  Anxiety. The kind where you don’t sleep for days, you don’t want to eat any more you worry about every single little thing on the planet. Things that never really made sense you’re not even sure why they matter for some reason they do. Then it was the Jealousy. Not typical jealousy, no. Jealous of RANDOM dumb shit. Jealous my cats are happier than me. Jealous Of people bike riding in peace. Yet I HATE bike riding. Eff that. But still jealous. I am still kind of spiraling here. Trying to bring back my former self one day at a time. Kids man..

Oh snap, Klaus is 5 months

Little man is five and a half months and I am coming back hard at the gym.
Working with actual nutrition plans and strength plans and fight training plans. It’s nice to transition back into how things were, but it’s still very frustrating. I find that now that I’m doing a lot of lifting and strength training and going back into my harder powerlifting routine I feel very self-conscious. I used to walk into the weight room and feel on top of the world because I knew that I’d be deadlifting 270 that day and no other girl did that and I felt like a crazy badass cause then I go straight to my fighting gym after that and choke people out. Nowadays it’s hard for me to lift over 170 and I’m flailing around on the mats trying to figure out what my body is supposed to do. Pregnancy really changed a lot of things that I didn’t think it would, and it seems to be very frustrating. I walk into the gym and I have this constant feeling that everyone’s watching me and they’re all judging me, talking among themselves about how weak I got how bad of a fighter I got, how shitty I am. And it’s silly. That is all I think about every time I go to the gym, and I still think that I’m lesser than I was previously. And I know that I’m weaker, and slower, and a lot of my skills I’ve gotten Rusty. But I know with time and continuing on this plan of action I’m on, that all of my skills will come back. This may be frustrating now, but it will come back. Everyday I still hear those voices saying: “how weak you are, you suck, you’re slow, why can’t you get this, why can’t you figure this drill out”. But I know at the end of the day, each day is one step to get better and back to the old strong fighter I was. It is still exceptionally frustrating. At least it’s not my first time being at the bottom so I know that I can get there, and I know that I can exceed how I used to be, I can be in a lighter weight class, with more muscle and strength. I built an amazing foundation. It may have been torn down, but I can rebuild even stronger. I know how to gain muscle. I don’t have to learn everything like I did before. I have been fighting for most of my life. I just need to dust myself off.
Now it is just about gaining strength and sharpening my skills and mind.

MMA mama 14 Weeks Pregnant

I have never thought about what pregnancy would be like. Until the last few years I never thought I would even have kids…
But here I am, 14 weeks pregnant.
Previously I had been so in touch with my body. From being an athlete for so long I can feel when things are running smoothly, or if I need more fuel, vitamins, water etc. If I am hitting goals or over training. I could feel what small differences made in my diet and training. Everything seemed to be in sync.
My body feels alien now. I went from lean abs and muscular arms, to a bloated tummy and fat accumulating everywhere. I can’t deadlift 270lbs, nor can I deadlift 160lbs for that matter. My squat is at 150 on a non vomiting day. And my clean and jerks are now done with just the bar. My one saving grace is that I know I can bounce back. In time…lots of time.
With this constant negativity there is some positive. I’m growing with a insatiable burn to compete. It kills me to watch the dieting girls going on stage. Or the other strawweight fighters getting in the cage and gaining more experience than I. But that doesn’t matter. My drive is doubling everyday and I am utilizing my off time. I’m doing my best to maintain muscle and I am still in every boxing, Thai, grappling class I can. It’s much slower and safer, but damned if I stop doing what I love.
At 14 weeks my belly is now to the point were nothing fits exactly right. Which is neat since I am a small person, and I know a human is growing, and frustrating. I need new clothes often and that only will get worse when I go into maternity. But I have come to enjoy the weight gain and growing belly. Even on days when nothing fits me and I look like a disheveled homeless person.
I can’t say I don’t “idolize” the fit preggo people posting about abs at 6 months. But hey I’m built differently than them. And I’m *teeth cringing* okay with it.
And in case anyone is wondering I am eating at maintenance still. Tracking  macros and still have a food diary. It is a little off some days, but hey whatevs.
I had days when I ate 2000 calories and days when I could only handle 500. Pregnancy was not awesome the first 10 weeks for me….